I don’t really know who I am anymore. I searched for myself for years and I thought I finally figured it out but recently I’ve been changing and trying to change. The weirdest part is that it isn’t in a bad way. It’s almost like I have become so comfortable in who I am that I can change who I am without losing myself. I don’t love him and I don’t want to but I am hold him there just incase. I don’t want love. I want someone to be around but I want to be able to walk away from it. I don’t want love. It is a strange feeling not to be craving love from other people. I don’t have holes in my heart. There is no black pain oozing from my wounds. Is this what it is like to feel whole? I’m not running anymore. I don’t need to justify myself to anyone. Sometimes the exhaustion washes over me and in an instant I am transported backwards in my life but somehow I keep moving forward. I find the light on my own, I pick myself up, I brush myself off, and I move forward because I don’t go backwards. So, I found myself, but I keep finding myself and I find that I am capable of controlling who I want to be and I think I am ready to look for a reason to walk away and I am ready to give myself a reason to walk away. I am smart. I am good. I am powerful. I am strong.
Hello, beautiful! I know you’re strong, but is being strong enough? Are you afraid to fall in love?
Maybe one day it won’t be, but right now feeling strong and in power of myself feels so damn good and I am okay with that for now.
Wishing you the best!