I haven’t been in this much pain in so long. I thnk I forgot what was actually like. Every single movement, every choice, every word, every thought dedicated to this pain. It is like I am just a hollow shell walking through the day while my mind is stuck somewhere else. I should not have let it get this far. I should have stopped it before it got this bad. It is all my fault. It always is and I cannot keep letting it happen. I run into one wall walk around it then run into another and decide to climb over that one. It just keeps getting harder. That fall off the top of the wall just seems to hurt more each time. My chest feels hollow. It is so hard to breath. I need a reason and I cannot seem to find one. I am forever caught in a hopeless loop of self-torture and self-loathing. I am eternally running from myself.