The Other Side

I don’t think I am supposed to feel this, but, as much as I wish I could, I can’t turn my feelings off. There is no clearly labeled switch. As much as it hurts, I want to tell you. I want you to tell me everything you know I want to hear. Wrap your arms around me like you did when you said goodbye, but let’s stay that way for a while. Your arms are the only place where my body doesn’t feel like shattering. Where my heart doesn’t feel empty. I don’t talk a lot about happy things, but, with you, there is nothing else. You are the only thing that makes me smile when I feel like breaking down. You are the only light I can see when the world is being overcome by darkness. You are so open with your emotions. You know everything you’re feeling. You may not always feel good but you understand your sadness. I envy that so much. I may not understand all of what I am feeling but I know the only good part is you. I want you to know all of my jumbled emotions and I want to know yours. I want you to tell me all of them. I want to hold your hands as you reveal the most vulnerable parts of your self. I want to kiss your palms as if to kiss away the pain of the open wounds. I want to take your pain away. I would take it all if that is what it would take for you to smile, because, God, I love that smile. That smile could make the world forget their problems. Pain could go on as far as the eye can see but just one of your smiles could make it all okay. It makes all of my demons scatter and for a moment I can be truly, undeniably happy. Over the years I have taught myself how to be okay. I don’t have to be happy. I just have to make it through. I have learned to be okay with myself, but you have taught me how to be so much more than that. I don’t know if you know you did that and I don’t know if you feel any of these things, but I want you to know that someone cares. Someone cares a whole lot about you and I hope that’s okay.

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