What I Realized Tonight

I realized that if I was not so selfish. I would not be so miserable. If I was not such a coward. I would be much more happy. If I was not so insecure. I would not be sitting here alone. I had you and I let you go because for some reason I thought it was the best thing to do. If it felt right at the time why does it feel like something is clawing at my heart from my throat. My eyes are always burning now. The tears come at night and in the morning comes the makeup to try and cover the scratches from me clawing at my eyes. I cannot stop thinking about you and it just hurts more every single God forsaken day. I just want to know how you are doing. I don’t even know what schools you are applying to. I want to check up on you. I want to make sure you are happy. I can’t even work up the courage to do that.

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