All I wanted was to be wanted. To feel like I was important to someone. And I still do, but I am comfortable with myself to not need someone’s attention to function. I was wallowing in my self-pity and I thought the only way to not be lonely was for people to pay attention to me, and trust me, I have manipulated myself to be able to get exactly that, but I am finally pulling myself out of that dark hole of despair. The best part is that as soon as I can finally do that for myself, someone decides to prohibit my progression. I wanted you to need me and you didn’t, but as soon as I can move on, you say you need me. If your goal wasn’t to drag me right back into that wretched confinement you are doing a horrendous job of showing it. It feels like every time I am ready to walk away you pull me back and I am forced to start from the beginning all over again. I am exhausted with your endless games and I would just like to take a rest. Stop using me then throwing me away. I know after this you are going to push me back to the side like you always have and I am going to wait there patiently until I am just ready to fix myself. Which will be conveniently right before you “need” me again. I am so over being used. Like I said before, I will not stress my life to be a crutch for yours.
The pleasure of moving on is unexplainable. it is so unbelievably satisfying. I had thought I had moved on from things in my past, but when you messaged me saying you had feelings for me, that I realized what moving on was. I no longer have feelings for or even toward you. I have never been more happy in my life. I was a sleeping hopeless drowning in my own sorrow. I think about the ones I have yet to move on from and I have realized moving on from you has given me the strength to move on from all of my past besides one person. I may never move on from him but there is always darkness when the light shines. Right in this tiny infinite moment, I am happy and cannot seem to focus on anything but good. For once I do not feel like the earth is moving and I am sitting still. I feel free. So thank you.